Be polite, but unleash the beast

It is very common in academia to form large collaborations under a common umbrella to attack open scientific questions. In this funfair of people all kind of personal characters are expected to show up sooner or later, everyone having their own beliefs, personal agenda and strange ideas. I have often dealt with numerous people at labs during experiments, where besides the variety of experience ranging from maximum (kind Professores Diplodontus) to mininum (kind Ambitiosus Ranae), fatigue, jet lag, nutritional habits and psychological mood kicks in to affect the balance of the working environment. And while it is always nice to have the Joker and the Smart Ass to cheer you up during long and difficulat shifts, it is not nice to have them during manuscript preparation.

This phase, the preparation of a publication, is what is utterly wanted in academia as a proof of efficiency and scientific progress. Academia has lost the true spirit that owns its existence, too, dominated by bureaucrats, politicians and business managers who typically have absolutely NO SENSE what a scientific discovery is, unless it attracts attention of the public or brings in money when exploited in the markets. Papers are prepared carefully, but mastering the quality of the final manuscript is an art by itself. Not all people have the efficiency to put three words correctly in the text to convey the essence of the discovery to the readership of the scientifc journal. Not all collaborators agree on the argumentation, not all discuss in polite terms resolutions needed to answer the Editor’s comments. That is all ok, it’s part of the business. Patience and good wit is important virtues at this phase.

What I find, however, extremely annoyning is those Jokers and Smart Asses (see earlier) to disturb the production with the witty interventions. The situation worsens when some of them think much higher of themselves than reality trying to impose “insights” on the research completed. Even worse, when you realize they have been just Passengers without any (I stress the work ANY) contribution from time zero to end. When situations like these develop, I have just one spontaneous reaction: unleash the beast. Unmask them, insult them, kick them out, kick them as hard as you can, throw them out. It sounds brutal and barbaric; agree. However, it lasts just a very short time compared to the malignant actions spanning the period of time you have been “collaborating”.

So, unleash the beast and feel no guilt. Cause you are right.